Pre-Move Jitters

I just returned from church waiting on Mark to arrive in from Abilene. He is coming in to help pick out things that we want to add to our garage sale this next weekend as well as grab some things that we next for our 6 month stint at his parents house. I've been busy rumaging through closets and drawers sorting through memories and clothes. Trying to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. Looking at baby clothes of Hayden and trying not to cry thinking of where he started out this life and what he has become. My little guy is growing up so fast and it has happened in the blink of an eye. He will be 8 months next week and we are crawling and standing and attempting to let go and move on our own. It scares me. I was so ready for Ella to do these things, but now that Hayden is about to embark on this next step I am a little sad. This is more than likely the last first steps that I will get to enjoy and the last few weeks that I will be able to hold him down long enough to get some good snuggle time. He already starts reaching for the floor if I hold onto him too long. I want to savor this time with my baby boy, but we are in the midst of a move that calls for a lot of attention and time.

As I stood in church today and the service was coming to a close I just remembered how at home I felt. I tried to take that moment and try to remember all the wonderful people that have made Midland home. My friends here are all moving on making memories without me and I am on my own to create new ones with new people in a new town. I have to admit I am a little down. I transferred after my freshman year of college from Harding to ACU and in the midst of the excitement of a new place I came to the realization that all these new people had started out their college experience together. They had gone from being teenagers at home to independent adults and with that came great memories and experiences. I came in and they already had deep friendships and bonds. I feel that way about moving. Here in Midland I have been there to see people transform from being young couples to young families. We've gone through the excitement of pregnancy and new babies and the fears of birth and how to potty train. Those moments bonded us and now I'm fearful again as I move onto another town where the new women I meet will have already gone through this together, without me. I won't know how these women transformed from being just a wife into a mother. How it changed them, how it molded them. As I stood next to friends this morning that have been there from our first moments in Midland and now onto our last, I grieve. I am not ready to say goodbye. I will get over this and it will be a part of me forever, but I don't ever think I will ever forget the feeling of home when I am at GCR surrounded by friends.